Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
there's paper in my vomit.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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