honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
