That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That's when you crack a 10am beer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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