I think I am morally bankrupt
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
