One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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