Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
