Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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