I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
