Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
