I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
