just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
