A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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