Sry I called you an 8
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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