I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize