You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
