You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
