I'm going to jail i love you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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