I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize