I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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