Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
