Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
