Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
