OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have aggressive nipples.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
