I think I won the penis lottery.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
