Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
