I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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