Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
