you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
