Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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