I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dignity is for republicans.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
