Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
