My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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