She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
