his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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