I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
