How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
