he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
