Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
