we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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