Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
