there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
