What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
