yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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