omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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