I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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