I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
