You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
