why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
