Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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