I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
