I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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