i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
