he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
