Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
