is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
