I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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