Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
