Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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