I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Actions speak louder than pants.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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