Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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